Middle Earth’s Most Eligible Bachelors
This week the final Hobbit movie comes out and we say farewell to Middle Earth once and for all. While I could go all sentimental with this post on how the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit series’ have made my world better, I will instead discuss another way Peter Jackson’s Middle Earth has made the world a better place…
In a world dominated by many male figures, I offer a list of Middle Earth’s 30 Most Eligible Bachelors.
29. Denethor – I also shudder at this one. While creepy, he is the Steward of Gondor. The title helps his cause slightly…though I’d probably never forgive him for favouring Boromir to dreamier Faramir.
28. Saruman – Again, total creepy. Plus he’s old. Old and evil. Not a winning combination in my books. Though the deep Christopher Lee voice might give him a bonus point.
27. Sauron – Now this one is totally ‘hot’, get it, he’s a fiery eye. I’ll stop pretending to be funny now.
26. Elrond – Sorry Elrond, you seem like a really nice guy; you’re honorable and always do the right thing. But you just might be the least dreamy elf in all of Middle Earth.
25. Treebeard – I’m rather intrigued by this one. I am curious as to what a relationship with an Ent would entail. Though they are slow moving and I always like to be doing things. Plus, there’s the whole tree thing, I like nature but this seems a little weird.
24. Gollum – Now Gollum here is a tough one. He does have some redeeming qualities, right? Just a little possessive and slightly evil. I know some girls are totally into that. I however am not.
23. Dwarves 3-12 – I’m not a particularly huge fan of the mass of hair often found on the dwarves of Middle Earth. I know some people like beards and there are a lot of options here for you to chose from! Myself, I prefer just a little scruff.
22. Old Bilbo – Oh Bilbo. When we first meet you on your 111th birthday you don’t exactly make me swoon. However, you’re still the sweet Bilbo we’ve grown to love.
21. Theoden – Now this has to be ruling Theoden, after his curse has been removed. This Theoden is a strong King and good leader, I imagine he would have been a little dreamy in his younger days.
20. Beorn – Again slightly intrigued by this shape-shifter. The whole ‘I can turn into a bear’ thing could be fun…maybe? But when he takes his human form I think there’s a bit too much hair for me to swoon properly.
19. Gimli – I already mentioned I’m not a fan of the popular bearded dwarf look of Middle Earth. However, we do get to spend a substantial amount of time with this Dwarf. Plus Gimli does have a nice sense of humour and his bromance with Legolas is endearing
18. Haldir – Long blonde and flowing hair; the elves of Middle Earth know how to make a girl swoon. Craig Parker here makes you cheer for Haldir when he shows up at Helm’s Deep and then makes you tear up only a few moments later.
17. Gandalf – Oooh Gandalf! Now I can’t say I’m particularly turned on by Gandalf, perhaps it’s an age thing, but I imagine there are a few out there who do swoon over this wizard. Gandalf is vulnerable, yet loyal and he’s a freakin wizard. What’s not to love about that?
16. Smaug – Smaug is a dragon which automatically earns him a couple extra points. Plus there’s the whole Benedict Cumberbatch voice thing. It’s enough to make me swoon over this fire breathing beast.
15. Thranduil – What a surprise it was to see these flowing locks in DOS! Legolas’s dad is hot! Yes he’s a bit of a douche but a sexy one at that.
14. Boromir – Boromir is a bit of a douche as well. He does redeem himself, slightly, in the end. But overall still kinda douchey. He does however have the Sean Bean card in his favour and I’m always rooting for Sean Bean.
13. Pippin – Pippin is a sweatheart and such a little cutie. Pippin makes you laugh and then makes you cry. If this hobbit sang to me like in ROTK I’m sure I would be putty in his hands.
12. Young Bilbo – young Bilbo places a few points higher than his older LOTR self, mostly because of Martin Freeman. In the Hobbit, Bilbo is simply adorable. You have to root for him, even though he’s not as dreamy as some of the other Hobbits.
11. Sam – What more could you want in a significant other!?! Sam is loyal, caring and always there when needed most. Just rewatch ROTK for a reminder. I think Sam would make a great companion, he’s not a hunky as some but I think his actions throughout the series makes up for it.
10. Faramir – You feel for Faramir so much through these films. He’s the forgotten brother who can’t catch a break and can’t be seen in his father’s eyes for the great guy he is. Plus he’s hunky, and that always counts for something.
9. Frodo – I’ve loved Frodo since day one. He’s sweet, young and innocent to start and the journey to complete the task thrust upon him turns him into a hero…a rather sexy hero.
8. Bard – I forgot this sexy man existed before I saw DOS and how dare I say so! Bard the Bowman has that sexy disheveled Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean look down to a tee. And then there’s the whole bow and arrow thing. Gotta love it!
7. Merry – Merry tops the hobbits on this list. At the start he’s is mostly around as comic relief but he grows into such a warrior in the later films. Warrior Merry is so endearing and such a cutie it’s swoon worthy.
6. Thorin – Power hungry yet conflicted – definitely how I’d describe this leader. The Hobbit is as much his story as it is Bilbo’s. Unfortunately for Bilbo though, this is a hunky hero we can all get behind.
5. Kili – Sexy dwarves, it’s a thing. Just take a look at this guy. Dark hair, dark eyes, just a little scruff. I’m a fan. He falls for Tauriel and you just root for them. You wish he would look at you the way he looks at her. It makes you almost forget that he’s a dwarf and only 4 feet tall.
4. Fili – I know most people pick Kili, but Dean O’Gorman is a mega hunk…literally stop dead in your tracks hunky. In his dwarf attire you do loose this slightly (there is a lot of nose going on there) but Fili is still one of the sexy dwarves. I would definitely love to spend a night out with this sexy dwarf.
3. Eomer – Now Eomer isn’t as prominent of a character as many on this list but who can forget that hunk that stops Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli on their quest to find Merry and Pippin. Karl Urban makes you swoon as soon as he gets off that horse.
2. Legolas – Winner of the best hair in Middle Earth award. I can’t begin to explain how excited I was to hear Legolas was making an appearance in the Hobbit films. A little Orlando Bloom makes everything better. When he gets into action with that bow and arrow I almost can’t handle it. Sexy.
1. Aragorn – Yes there’s Arwen to deal with here, but no list of Middle Earth men is complete without this hunk. Remember that time he came charging through those doors in TTT? Sexy. I think I just spent a couple minutes just staring and watching on repeat there. Who doesn’t root for Aragorn throughout the film? He’s a reluctant hero who rises to greatness, and he does so with that dark, brooding look I love so much. Long hair and a little scruff (seems to be my thing here!). Aragorn rocks it. Definitely the Most Eligible Bachelor of Middle Earth.
Do you agree or not? Let us know in the comments! Enjoy your Hobbit marathons and viewings!