TWoS: Farmer Chris’ Bachelorettes (Pt 2)

Welcome to Tuesday Walk of Shame on My Fangirl Life. This week we are continuing prejudging Farmer Chris’ new Bachelorettes. Who will be his future mate? I’m not sure (I like to be spoiler free!) but I’m checking out the options.  Based on their photos and short interview-style bios on the abc website I am grading and commenting on each of the ladies. I did the first 7 last week…Check out Part 1 of this series…and will be doing the rest in weeks to come (so come back next week for more)! But today there are 8 more ‘lovely ladies’ to examine.

Tuesday Walk of Shame is a weekly blog series where I take a look at the newest episode of The Bachelor (or the Bachelorette or whatever spin-off is currently airing) and discuss. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.

Vote Kris for a decidedly different Bachelorette.
Because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly un-romantic nerds deserve love too.

Bachelor Chris Contestant Britt

Britt (27)
Occupation: Waitress
Hometown: Hollywood, CA
Another girl with student loans and no career…it makes me wonder what they’re doing with their lives. I waffle between thinking Britt is smart and thinking Britt is trying her best to sound smart. She’s definitely trying her best to look like a good person with her ‘half her lottery winnings going to charity’ response and how “the children I sponsor are my most proud achievement.”
Bachelor Chris Contestant Brittany
Brittany (26)
Occupation: WWE Diva-in-Training
Hometown: Orlando, FL
Good for Brittany for doing what she loves…and what she loves is wrestling. At first I thought she was training to be a ring-chick but now I understand she actually takes part in the athletics. She’s probably ripped! Her sentiment that “the ultimate date is when you’re absolutely in love with a person” makes me want to hurl it’s so sickeningly sweet, but I also want to be Belle from Beauty & the Beast, so she wins a few points back.
Bachelor Chris Contestant Carly
Carly (29)
Occupation: Cruise Ship Singer
Hometown: Arlington, TX
“Can’t live without: God, family, mascara, curling iron, cut-off denim shorts” Ugh…I don’t even want to read on… But reading on got me this: “I had to be a pirate watcher from midnight to 4am in the Red Sea on my last ship. (Yes, you read that correct… actual pirates, not Captain Hook.)” I can tell you that if it was Hook I’d be giving him permission to come aboard 😉
Bachelor Chris Contestant Jade
Jade (28)
Occupation: Cosmetics Developer
Hometown: Los Angeles, CA
Jade is an entrepreneur. She has ventured out on her own in the world and started her own company. I respect that. She admires Jane Eyre because she is “a heroine that relies on herself to get back on her feet,” which is brilliant! And I agree that “having to tell someone there’s no chemistry” is the worst!
Bachelor Chris Contestant Jillian
Jillian (28)
Occupation: News Producer
Hometown: Washington, DC
I was worried about Jillian; to paraphrase she basically said she wants someone in it for ‘the right reasons.’ (She actually said her biggest date fear is “a guy with bad intentions.”) But then she told us that if she could be any fictional character she’d be “Iron Man — because he’s Iron Man!” (nerd points!) and recognized the Bachelor selection process as her most embarrassing moment. Plus she appears to actually have a career. Kudos to you lady.
Bachelor Chris Contestant Jordan
Jordan (24)
Occupation: Student
Hometown: Windsor, CO
She can’t live with out “water” and “food.” How very literal of her. And this is just the start of the cringe-worthy statements… “[If I wanted to impress a man I’d] give him a sexy dance because it would turn him on and hopefully lead to more.” And she’d be Britney Spears if she could be anyone in the whole world for one day. Why? “Because she’s awesome!” I just can’t even go on…
Bachelor Chris Contestant Juelia
Juelia (30)
Occupation: Esthetician
Hometown: Portland, OR
Her top 3 all-time favorite movies: Dumb and Dumber, Titanic, and Bridesmaids. This tells me nothing about her. Come on Bachelor Producers, you can do better than that. As for Juelia, I also wish I never had to sleep. Sleeping is overrated.
Bachelor Chris Contestant Kaitlyn
Kaitlyn (30)
Occupation: Dance Instructor
Hometown: Vancouver, BC
The jury is still out on Kaitlyn. She might be adorably quirky…or she might be crazy. If she won the lottery she’d buy an island, fill it with pirates and call it “Yarrrland.” … Ok? … I’m choosing to give her the benefit of the doubt because (1) she wants to be April O’Neil “because she gets to hang out with the Ninja Turtles and she’s a babe.” And (2) She’s Canadian.

Make sure to check back next Tuesday for the next installment of contestant judging and on January 6th for my thoughts on January 5th’s premiere!

Love & Luck,
Kris

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