Welcome to my weekly blog series: Tuesday Walk of Shame. Here I hang my head low as I admit to having watched the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor (or its various spin-offs) and provide my own personal commentary. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.
Vote Kris for The Bachelorette… because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly unromantic nerds deserve love too.
Welcome back to my weekly Bachelor blog! I bet you thought that I would be on hiatus from my weekly walks of shame being as it is Bachelor off-season. False! Just because there isn’t currently a Bachelor Nation show on television doesn’t mean I need to stop writing about it… in fact, because there isn’t a part of the franchise airing right now is precisely why I should be writing. We must keep the Bachelor spirit alive!
Anyways, today I want to discuss what an utter failure this show is at making successful, lasting relationships. Yes there are a few stories of happy endings, but they are few and far between. I know; I’ve done my research. And now I’m going to share that research with you! You can easily Google to see what couples are still together. That’s what I did when compiling this list. I found the Bachelor Wikipedia page and this wet paint.com article particularly helpful. So why should you keep reading when I just gave you the sites where all of my source information came from? Because as many facts as they have, do those other sites offer graphs as a pictorial representation of their data? That’s right; it’s another graph-filled Tuesday Walk of Shame! Check out all of my charts detailing the status of Bachelor Relationships Past…
Let’s start by looking at the Bachelor & Bachelorette Success Rates:
Perhaps “Success Rate” were not the right words… more like “Failure Rate”. As entertaining as the show is, I’m not sure anyone can argue that it actually works. As the more successful show, the Bachelorette has 3 marriages in 10 seasons. The Bachelor also has 3 couples still together… except in 19 seasons. And that’s if you count Jason & Molly. Do you remember those two? Molly was actually Jason’s runner up. He picked Melissa in his final rose ceremony but had broken up with her before the finale aired. Then, in what may be the most dramatic Bachelor moment ever (I know Chris says that a lot but this one may actually be it), Jason confessed his love for Molly in the After the Final Rose interview. Drama. Drama.
Speaking of the Molly/Jason/Melissa love triangle here are some Bachelor Fun Facts:
But I think we need to dig a little deeper. We know the relationships don’t always (or should I say usually) work out. But how good of a go do these manufactured couples give it? Let’s take a look at the relationship lengths of each magical Bachelor(ette) ‘perfect match’:
The conclusion of all of those lines is that the average Bachelor relationship lasts 11-12 months. In contrast, the average Bachelorette relationship lasts over 2 years (26 months). I realize that’s boosted by Trista & Ryan, the pairing to come out of The Bachelorette Season 1, having now been together for over 12 years… but that just goes to show that women are better pickers than men… or maybe just that they take the show more seriously. When looking at the below graph you can see that the red (aka the Bachelorettes) tend towards the right (aka the longer duration romances). Also note the astronomical amount of partnerships that last 3 months or less…
So we’ve established that the women are ‘all in’ when it comes to their happily-ever-after. It’s fitting with how desperate & needy they have to be to choose to appear on this show. It shows in the fact that they are more likely to get engaged in their finale:
Only 69% of finales have ended with the happy couple engaged, but it is becoming much more common for the Bachelor(ette) to end with a proposal. There used to be mystery as to whether the man would have picked out the perfect ring and if his lady-love would say yes. Now everyone (minus scum-of-the-earth Juan Pablo, who refused to even say ‘I Love You’)
feels obligated to chooses to pop the question. I think it’s ridiculous that these people think that after a few weeks of seeing each other once or twice they are ready for this big of a commitment. It’s not practical, as demonstrate by the fact at 75% of the engagements have met fiery ends. That being said…
So far it seems like if you can make it to the altar, it’s smooth sailing from there. Good Luck to all of the Bachelor couples that have worked out… giving the world 5 happy marriages & 4 future second-generation Bachelor contestants.
What are you thoughts on the Bachelor ‘Success Rate’? Let me know who your favourite couple was in the comments… either in earnest or who you most loved to hate.
Love & Luck,
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