TWoS: The Bachelor – Westeros Edition

Welcome to my weekly blog series: Tuesday Walk of Shame. Here I hang my head low as I admit to having watched the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor (or its various spin-offs) and provide my own personal commentary. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.

Vote Kris for The Bachelorette… because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly unromantic nerds deserve love too.

It’s Game of Thrones Week here on My Fangirl Life. KG kicked off a 7-day countdown to the premiere of Season 5 yesterday with 20 Ways to Kill Time Until Game of Thrones Returns. I found myself torn when starting on today’s post: It is Game of Thrones Week so I must write about my favorite masochistic series. But it’s also Tuesday, which means a Bachelor-centric Tuesday Walk of Shame blog. I struggled to decide… but why must I make this choice? Why can’t I have the best of both worlds? So today I merge two of my loves… by which I merge something I love with something I only stand for the sake of writing commentary on the horribleness of it every week… to give you few excepts of:Bachelor Westros Edition - Robb Stark

The Bachelor(ette): Westeros Edition

I case you are wondering what that is, I will explain. Below are would-be excerpts from Tuesday Walk of Shame posts, if some of the GOT characters we love & love to hate were the Bachelor(ette). Would they be noble? Would they be true? Or would they have an inevitable Red Wedding in their future? Let’s find out…

Robb Stark
Robb is noble and true. He is a lord by birth and a king by the will of his people. His men love him as a leader and any woman would want him as a lover. He is an ideal candidate for this show. He is the man that Westeros would fawn over and talk about until the Producers had no choice but to make him the next Bachelor. And then, once his season started, you know he would follow his heart right to the bitter end… because his track record with weddings tells us it is bound to be a ‘bitter’ end.

Bachelorette Westros Edition - Sansa Stark + RoseSansa Stark
Remember when Ashley was the world’s most insecure Bachelorette and the Producers chose to have the men ‘roast’ her? How about when the Producers sent Emily on a date to the race track where her fiance had died? Sansa Stark opens up a whole world of potential psychological torture to those notorious Producers. They could hold a tourney and make her watch all of the knights she once thought gallant fight, while someone whispered all of their foul deeds in her ear. Or maybe a Westeros tour, including all of the places her family members had been beheaded?

Cersei Lannister
Cersei is a Bachelorette that no man can tame. She will do what she wants when she wants, not matter what the contestants… or Producers… have to say about it. But it makes her chaperone all the more perplexing. It’s sweet that her brother has tagged along to protect her, but odd that he seems to be competing just as hard for her affections as any of the other men…

Bachelor Westros Edition - Petyr Baelish LittlefingerJaime Lannister
After winning over Westeros with his dashing smile & daring personality while doting over his Bachelorette sister, Jaime Lannister has now taken on the role of Bachelor. While looking through his contestant roster I can’t help but notice that all of the women are beautiful blondes with striking green eyes. They could almost be his twins. All but the one gigantic, warrior of a woman Brienne of Tarth. She is an odd choice… nothing like the noble ladies we usually see on this show.

Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish
Baelish appears to be scheming his way into a rose each week. He may care more about the Bachelorette’s title than her love; I fear he is not in it ‘for the right reasons.’ He probably won’t get the Bachelorette’s final rose, but he most certainly will be asked to appear on the next season of Bachelor Pad.

Bachelorette Westros Edition - Daenerys Targaryen + RoseDaenerys Targaryen
Just make sure you don’t refer to her dragons as “baggage”. Emily Maynard taught us that mothers do not like when you imply their babies are a bad thing.

Loras Tyrell
The Knight of Flowers is a very fitting title for our Bachelor, however something very odd is going on. The women are all over him but Loras seems to be more interested in spending time with Chris Harrison than he does the ladies.

Bachelorette Westros Edition - Margaery Tyrell + RoseMargaery Tyrell
Lady Margaery is surely the brightest blooming flower of them all… but is she too good to be true? I can’t decide if she really as sweet, kind and fun-loving as she appears. Maybe she is all about the ‘right reasons’ and only wants to fall in love and live a happy life. But there is also a possibility that it is all a calculated act. Perhaps she just wants her 15 minutes in the spotlight… or the coveted spot as the next Bachelorette?

Jon Snow
Poor Jon Snow is having trouble with all of these women. Of course the Producers decide to take a Bachelor who is overwhelmed in the presence of one outspoken girl and give him the most contestants yet. He may yet find love, but as of right now it seems like he knows nothing about the softer sex.

Bachelor Westros Edition - Ramsay Snow BoltonRamsay Snow
The women are desperate to impress this Bachelor. Though he is far from the most handsome Bachelor and even farther from being the most charming, contestants are throwing themselves at him, willing to do whatever he wants. Perhaps they have seen something in him we at home have not? Or maybe they are just desperate for the rose because those who don’t get one are flayed alive.

Did I miss your favorite character? Make sure to comment below and keep the descriptions going!
Love & Luck,

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