Reasons I Avoided the Calgary Expo

Mangirling is a semi-regular feature that runs when the girls are too busy (lazy) to write their own posts, or when Johnny Rico feels the need to yell at the internet about something inconsequential.  Read on for all the reasons I didn’t join the rest of the team at the Calgary Expo this weekend.

The 10th annual Calgary Comic & Entertainment Expo is happening right now in the great city of Calgary, Alberta, Canada (hashtag: yyc). If you are there: congratulations. I am very happy for you and hope you are having a wonderful time. I, however, chose not to go and rather than lament the decision I made many months ago when tickets were still available I’ve decided to sit down, watch the Blue Jays, and write down all the reasons why I’m not in Calgary this weekend.

1. Being around girls dressed in costumes is never fun. This is why Halloween is such a bore.

2. You’ve never even heard of Devlin, much less watched an episode, have you? You’re lucky you’re too old to spank and too young to punch, son.

3. Like every other hockey fan I have no interest in being in a city where actual playoff games are being played.

4. Four days of nerd acceptance and activities without fear of being judged? No thanks!

5. There is literally no chance I could escape the weekend without buying some Starship Troopers merch.

6. Calgary thinks of itself as a Manehattan, but in reality it’s just a second rate Fillydelphia.

7. Road trips and mini vacations are a total waste of time.

  • Besides, I might get a speeding ticket on the way there.

8. IT’S ABOUT ETHICS IN GAMING JOURNALISM!

9. Someone might notice I’m still rocking an iPhone 4 and pass judgement.

10. The mindless drudgery of work during peak layoff season is actually more fun.

11. I’m already going to Bon Accord this weekend.

12. I’d be blacklisted for arguing that not only is Space: Above and Beyond better than Firefly, but that Firefly couldn’t have existed without Space.

13. Also, I’m still hurt you guys got a movie and I, I have nothing but all 23 episodes loving recorded on 5 VHS. Sadly, I no longer own a VCR.

14. I don’t want to meet Lita, Mick Foley, and Bret Hart (again) before I’ve had a chance to fantasy book the next year of NXT promotions.

15. I’m sure the City of Calgary has outlawed things like alcohol, after parties, and chicken wings to discourage adult citizens from enjoying their lives.

16. I’ve already missed “Geek Speed Dating”.

17. I don’t need to travel to Calgary to be accused of misogyny.

18. Is Dr. Hooves going? No? Then I’m not interested.

19. Who do I think is Jon Snow’s mother? This conversation does not interest me. No thank you.

20. Do you have any idea what those costumes smell like after a long day of cosplaying?

21. I’m not interested in picking up an underrated Pete’s shake and overrated Pete’s burger for the drive home.

  • Besides, it’s a cash only operation and they’re probably laundering money at worst, or shielding profits from the feds at best.

22. I don’t enjoy theoretical discussions about fictional characters and stories with like minded people

23. I’m secretly afraid I’ll go full brony and disappear into that nefarious underworld.

24. Shut up, I’m not a brony. I’m only aware of the show because I have children.

25. Seriously, shut up, the Apple Jack that usually lives on my work computer is there for seditious reasons, not because I’m a brony.

26. Come on, stop it, developing a unified theory of the MLP:FIM world and how it’s an allegory for our human existence is absolutely a rational thought pattern for any adult.

27. The new season of MLP is out on Netflix and binge watching is making my schedule pretty tight.

Would you like to know more?

Johnny Rico

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